Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 17:14:38 -0500 (EST)
From: "A. Bristowe" <abristow@uoguelph.ca> 
Subject: Re: Dinner at my place

WARNING: CANADIAN CONTENT...

> Suppose you were given the opportunity to invite 3 people (now deceased)
> to dinner.  Who would you pick, and why? 

1. Margaret Mead... apparently fascinating at parties. Also I could meet
   her and get the digs on my field.
2. Christopher Columbus (see next)
3. Ovide Mercredi (see above)  

I say let Ovide kick the tar out of Chris, and Margaret can referee or
commentate, at her discretion.

Okay, so Ovide isn't dead. I'd still like to see the two of them go at it.

That is my vote. Can I have more than one go at this dinner party thing?

#2
  1. Margaret Mead
  2. Cortez
  3. Ovide Mercredi

After emerging victorious from dinner party #1, Ovide strongarms his way
into dinner party #2 and kicks the tar out of the guy responsible for the
elimination of the Aztecs.

#3
  1. Margaret Mead
  2. Jose Rizal (national hero of the Philippines)
  3. Magellan

Here we have Mead busting up the fisticuffs between the bastard who
colonized the Philippines and the guy who started the liberation struggle
for Philippine independence from Spain. Hors d'oeuvres everywhere. A fine
scene.

#4
  1. Louis Riel
  2. Laura Secord
  3. Terry Fox

At this party we could have a fascinating discussion about the stupidity
of who is chosen to go on the money in Canada. All national heros in their
own right, my guests could go 'round the mulberry bush on such topics as,
"What the hell did that alcoholic woman-beater of a first Prime Minister
Sir John A. Macdonald ever do for this glass menagerie nation?", and
"Running in Canada... a historical look" [Riel: From the authorities.
Secord: To warn the troops of an American attack. Fox: Across the country
on one leg.] After dinner we could storm the mint and throw Borden off
the $50 and replace him with k.d. lang.

#5
  1. Rene Levesque (I'm pretty sure he's dead)
  2. Sir Wilfred Laurier
  3. Robert Bourassa

Laurier could bust out the dukes in this one, for an all-out battle
against the frogs who have done lots to fracture the nation he had a big
hand in putting together. Again, smashed punch bowl, Levesque's face in
the potato salad. 

#6
  1. Marx
  2. Stalin
  3. Bob Rae (ex NDP Premier of Ontario)

Over glasses of water before the collectively prepared gruel, Marx could
let loose on these progeny of his doctrines. Margaret might have to crash
this dinner to break up the fights. However, she would probably join ranks
with everyone pounding the snot out of Stalin. Okay, again, Bob Rae isn't
dead. But his political career is. 

#7
  1. Mao Tse-Tung
  2. Jorges Luis Borges
  3. Boutros Boutros Ghalli

I'm certain that at least Mao is dead. This party would have the theme,
"People with Cool Names".

#8
  1. Gloria Steinem
  2. Preston Manning (leader of the Reform Party)
  3. Queen Latifa

Okay, all of these people are definitely still alive. But imagine the shit
Pressed-On Man Thing would receive at the hands of these lovely ladies.
His "equipment", unnoticeable at the best of times, would never see the
light of day again. 

#9
1. Preston Manning
2. George Remmington of Smithers, BC [redneck letter writer,
   featured in Maclean's magazine in 1993)
3. Mike Harris (Premier of Ontario)

Again, all these people are probably alive. But the beauty of this party
is that they would not be so after eating. I'd cook for the occasion.

#10
  1. Colonel Sanders 
  2. Sir Stamford Raffles
  3. Ghandi

So here we have the guy that trademarked himself wandering around the
southern US in a funny white suit and ludicrous little tie convincing
people to eat his secret chicken recipe, the guy who founded Singapore,
and the guy who brought India to the forefront of whatever stage it was on
when he was wandering around the country preaching non-violent
resistance. Raffles, albeit a colonizer, was apparently fluent in lots of
languages and a great mediator. He could facilitate the discussion between
these two bipedal wanderers, one whose life was devoted to living as a
vegetarian (among other things), and the other, whose later years were
devoted to bringing the consumption of "chicken cooked his way" to 25
countries around the world by way of the confederate states. 



These are my thoughts on the dinner party question.
That is all,
Take care, love Ashaleee
<abristow@uoguelph.ca>