The following quote list comes from the December 1990 staff party. It has been edited (no changes, just omissions), because, frankly, there are some parts so tasteless they could make grown men hurl. If you ask me, I'll e-mail the full, unexpurgated list to anyone who was actually at the DT that semester on the theory that a) you know the people involved already, and b) you heard it in the first place.

SL: DTQUOTES VER: 02 BY: AMCDON; 08/15, 14:05
OP: RON ; 12/11, 18:43
NOTE:
MSG:
11-DEC-90 18:44:070

Ron, pease print out ASAP. Gra-
cias, the bird.

"Do you want a schedule of classes?"
"No, I want you!!!"
"I'm such a sarcastic bitch, aren't I?"
"I am fucking great in bed!!! Great, OK?!"
"Yeah sure! The price equals construction costs? My butt!"
"A non-USC student was shot? Damn."
"Let's up the USC body count and then we'll have news."
"She's a slut-light. She has a third-less calories."
"Katie, what does this budget quote mean"?
"I'm not sure, but the lady from dining said it was a 'loss in contribution to fixed costs.' Yeah right."
"You guys don't understand my sarcasm. I'm really a virgin."
"Nobody reads this paper anyway! When are you guys going to realize that?"
"Freshmen, what are you supposed to do with them?"
"You're supposed to make them copy editors."
"Next we'll have freshman senior editors."
"I got embarrassed just talking on your phone today."
"If I could wear makeup, I'd look older, too."
"Is your resume bare?"
"Will Spens is the future of TV Journalism, folks. Face it."
"Broadcast journalism is banter and tease and no hard news."
"I've never had a screaming orgasm."
"How do you make a screaming orgasm?"
"Please leave me big-breasted. It's the only chance I'll have."
"Don't be disgusting, DeNeve."
"I am not a dork."
"I like sitting by Wiley."
"Just a minute, Wiley, it's a long walk back."
"Are you one of the 40 percent who want to have sex with two men at the same time?
"You know it, John, and you know with what two men."
"Hmm. 91 percent of the men polled say that they daydream about kissing a woman's large breasts. As opposed to their secondary set of smaller breasts?"
"May I please be connected with Ann Connors?"
"That depends on how you want to be connected."
"I'm Loqutis of Borg!!!! I'd send it over the terminals if I knew how to spell it!"
" Fight fight fight fight fightfightfightfightfight."
"I'm a proponent of the open stomach policy. Stomachnost."
"Poke at it! Stab it! Make it bleed!"
"There are two subversive groups at the DT. The sportswriters, by and large, and the photographers."
"I could get into bondage."
"Women don't sound right talking about sports."
"Do you have any story ideas? Nobody is allowed to walk into the city room without a story idea."
"How about, 'Frustrated staff writer throws self off of the roof'?"
"Could you, pleaassee."
"Oh, good. You guys are here. I can throw knives now."
"You're cute, but you're just Alan."
"Why don't we get drunk and screw."
"I'm Godot. Where the hell is everybody?"
"My life totally sucks."
"Can you write about it? All I need is about fifteen inches."
"I didn't say I'm in a bitchy mood. I said I'm in a bitch mode."
"I don't know. This looks pretty intimate for seven inches."
"I've got this penis on my thing and I can't get it off."
"I'm so good I think I'm going to promote myself to city editor."
"Sold to the man in the black jacket."
"I just want the title. I don't want any of the responsibility. I just want to sit at home and call in to the assistant editor and say 'Is everything going OK?' "
"Your shit just went ding. You want me to bring in out there?"
"Sure, if you're coming this way."
"John was supposed to call some people. So in his absence, I'm going to fire everyone on staff."
"I can take a shit faster than he can run the 50."
"Funny you should say 'Refer' and 'Marinovich' in the same sentence."
"I'm better in bed than you are. I'm in the top 10."
"But don't worry, you're in the top quartile."
"Who said that? Alan?"
"They think Whitney Houston is the anti-christ. It was interesting."
"The University of Southern California's award winning Daily Trojan incestuous relationships."
"Dave, I don't want Sean anymore. You can have him."
"Why?"
"I asked him for seven inches and he can't handle it."
"So you pay by the photo, huh?"
"Hey meeeester, you wanna buy my seester?"
"Glenn, Sean wants you."
"Oh really? How long have you known about this?"
"Where the hell is the popcorn, God Damn it."
"Come on, Sean, I got 21 inches of Sexually transmitted diseases for you. Get up for it."
"Did you see this cartoon? The 24 stages of sexual arousal?"
"Yeah, but it takes me only 2."
"Someone at the university not on staff?"
"Their resumes must be bare."
"So, it's easy to be a copy editor?"
"Yeah, just log on and read."
"A trained monkey could be a copy editor."
"Shouldn't you guys be working?"
"No. Don't you get paid for work?"
"There's no way they're sending a Jew from New York to protect Saudi Arabia."
"I wonder what it would be like if dogs could whistle?"
"Yeah, would people come?"
"I think that would be fun, doing it with Robin."
"Is partied a verb?"
"It is at 'SC."
"Three out of five editors at the DT said it was a word."
"Narcissistic? Is that when you like dead people?
"Don't make faces at your own feces, Dan."
"Do Oreos rot?"
"Aric, you're a walking spelling error, right down to your own name."