The following quote list comes via Wes Biggs. It has been edited (no changes, just omissions), because, frankly, there are some parts so tasteless they could make grown men hurl. If you ask me, I'll e-mail the full, unexpurgated list to anyone who was actually at the DT that semester on the theory that a) you know the people involved already, and b) you heard it in the first place.

Date: Sun, 11 Apr 1999 19:11:19 -0700
From: Wes Biggs wbiggs@uswebcks.com
To: nep@hopstudios.com
Subject: quotelist 933 -- Read once and destroy

[Well, Nep, I've painstakingly reconstructed the following quotelist for the future detriment of unwary DTLink surfers. It's absolutely unedited -- of course, I was probably the one who edited it in the first place. It's a sick and cruel world -- WWB]

Ye Olde DT Quotelist -- Fall 1993

Standard disclaimers apply, of course. This is all taken out of context, and has no legal standing whatsoever, or so we hope. The torture begins...

"If you find something weird in my desk --"
"Well, there's a shirt back here ... or ... something."

"I didn't bag on them. I reported that they suck."

"I think that Trent Reznor is even more bitter than George."
"Please. I listen to Nine Inch Nails when I want to cheer up." -- Jordan Crane and George Stankow

"Actually, I've never *wanted* to touch him..."

"You're the city editor -- that means you're like the sports editor of city."

"I don't *want* to poke your mango."

"You have a lot of shit. I wish I had as much as you."

"I can't believe you're doing this. I never met a Persian Jew who smoked before."

"Steph, what are you doing?"
"Shooting the shit with assorted people."

"This is so sticky, man. It's growing. I need some guidance on this."

"Who's got peace?"
"I haven't got peace ... but I'm in it!"

"Man, you're not gonna get free phone sex."

"Can I write an article about Jesus getting sodomized by St. Peter?"
"You got art?"

Ann Connors asking Susie Gardner for help on the computer... "Oh, never mind, I got it."
Overheard: "It's the blonde leading the blonde."

Filling out the football pool, "Illinois. They're the Flying Illini, right?"

"This is Michelle Ladd. And you are? ... Oh, hi, Lee Wallach. You don't sound like you."

"Loser guys and the women who love them."

"I've got Captain Crunch up my butt."

"Why are those so big?"
"These? Because they're Paul's." -- asking about Paul Goldberg's mammoth headphones

"I'm so happy. Marks Tower is going to have a kick-ass newsletter."
"That's how V got started, you know..."
"Who's that?"

"After they teach you how to smoke pot, they got to tell you what to eat when you get the munchies." -- commenting on Diversions' spread of frozen pizzas

"I don't remember giving you express verbal permission to bite."

"I'll go down."

"If there was another riot, I would go and loot the Row."

"It must be hard always having to adjust that thing."

"So ..., when is [she] due?"
"Unless there's soething she hasn't told me, not for several years, I hope. What are you trying to tell me?"
"No, I meant, when is she *coming*?"
"I kinda hope she waits until after she gets here, but..."

"They ought to just beat him. Beat him and beat him and beat him."
"'Berkeley can't bear it anymore.' What a tortuously predictable lead." -- reading in The Daily Iowan about Cal's Naked Guy [WWB: I think this should be 'bare', not 'bear', but I'm just transcribing here, OK?]

"Did I miss anything in class today?"
(beat)
"You were there."

"I did not expect to find Jason Wong asleep in my office."

[WWB: This has got to be an all-time quote list classic] "It's not a racial issue. It's a hit-a-guy-with-a-brick issue. It's a masonic issue is what it is."

"They're having Song Girl clinics this week."
"What, is that for Song Girls who've caught something?"

"I hope Caltech burns so I won't have to write it anymore."

"I'm not whining, I'm imploding."

"They let her look at stuff they're not supposed to."

"That's too bad. That was the last piece of information I need to form a cogent opinion." -- random caller dude wondering how much the university was getting paid by the tree-killing movie company

"Those are wingtip shoes. Are those anything like tampons with wings?"

"I feel like reproducing asexually."
"There isn't a woman who would allow you to do that."

"These are cool because they're like drugs -- except they're tart."

"I was nice to you. Remember that. When they ask you about me for my biography, tell them..."
"I'll say, 'George made fun of me a lot, but once he didn't.'"

"Fuck off, Michael Angelo. Go read your own damn column." -- K.T. Wiegman

"I would like to be persecuted by lust."

"So, Suze, why are you checking out the football players?"
"They were on the floor..."

"Are you impressed with my Daily Wini? I'll show Liz."
"Liz is not impressed with your Daily Wini."

"Come join us on the floor."

"How do you spell Trojan?"

"OK, get this: I was watching 'The Price Is Right' this morning..."

"Two Wongs don't make a White, but we've got all three."

"How do I get a story up?"
"Rub it a little bit."

"I'm hungry! Where's Daniel?" -- Laurel "It Followed Logically in My Mind" Williams

"This is the only junk food you'll ever see on my body." -- Michael "Froot Loops" Angelo

"I've never brought a man to orgasm before..."

"Hey , I have spirit out the ass." -- defending the fact that he was sitting in the opposing team's zone

"Oh. I snagged you."

"Were you there, Jed? I was there. I laughed a lot."

"Everybody gets on Rob (Johnson) too much. Give Chicken Boy a break."

"It grew last night."

"I swallowed wrong."

"Huh, huh, huh." -- Ron "I'll have your corrections done in 5 minutes" Flores

"You were lucky to get out of Student Senate while you could."
"Why? Are they scandalous?"
"No, they're just stupid."

"The main activity of many transients on campus is begging for money, and many students feel compelled to do so."

"That's like telling an auto mechanic to fix a horse." -- Wes "Simile Man" Biggs

"If I could tell you the times I've wanted to be in bed with George..."

"Everyone will be glad I'm leaving."