The following quote list comes via David Khalaf. It has been edited (no changes, just omissions), because, frankly, there are some parts so tasteless they could make grown men hurl. If you ask me, I'll e-mail the full, unexpurgated list to anyone who was actually at the DT that semester on the theory that a) you know the people involved already, and b) you heard it in the first place.

Date: Tue, 27 Apr 1999 21:01:58 -0700 (PDT)
From: dkhalaf
To: nep@hopstudios.com
Subject: quote lists

Travis,
Here are some quote lists I dug up.
Dave

Spring 1998 Quote List

"I'm a male slut." -- after exiting the bathroom during the fall end-of-semester party

"I am so extremely gay." -- same party, same drunk

"You're blond. You're beautiful. And you're fascists." -- yelling at sorority girls on the Row while being carried home

"I so dance like a white girl."

"What are those loud bells?" -- everyone at the senior editors retreat, as smoke fills the room after burning grilled cheese

"So, are all of you league bowlers?" -- Crestline (Calif.) bowling cashier to the senior editor staff
"Yes, we are." -- everyone

"Leavey Boy!"
"Pulse Wench!" -- shouts as editors pummel each other with pillows during the senior editor retreat

"Do I need to be doing something?" -- as everyone goes nuts on the first night of prod and she stands in the middle of the room

"I have that (toothbrush) fetish too!" -- at the DT fall banquet

"Are we really a professional organization?"

"That is so much a 'I need a date" chocolate. Why would you buy that unless you were making s'mores or needed some serious love?" -- referring to the king-sized Hershey's bar left over from the senior editor retreat, which was bought with the intention of making s'mores (really!)
"So, there's another bar (of chocolate)?" -- a few moments later

"Looking good, Griffin."
"Thanks . . . so what do you think about the drawing?" -- Griffin

"I haven't gone to the bathroom in six hours." -- sitting down to box on the first prod night

"I'm gonna throw a bunch of obscenities in the paper and then quit."

"So, are you guys in the same (fraternity) house?"

"(Sparky) Sample and his mistress, a dominatrix . . . on Bovard's stage . . . and an audience of orphans."

"Let me draw her eyebrows. I want to make her look like a cheap whore." -- doodling on a newspaper picture of a jury member for the Terry Nichols trial
"Here, can you do that to Steven Sample?"
"I made him a pimp instead of a whore! What?! (incredulous) He looks good!" -- moments later.

"He was licking it, sucking it, and sticking his finger in it." -- some guy drinking hot chocolate in the Student Union elevator (really!)

"Just say no to 20 rice bowls."

"That doesn't look like Ron."
"No, it doesn't look like Ron. I'm worried that it's not Ron." -- refering to a mug shot

"Guys like stuff that have buttons and lights and require batteries."
"Sounds like a vibrator."

"I like to play hide-and-seek with my dog, but I always cheat. I always throw her down the stairs."

"Is there a Crystal Smith here?"
"I'm Crystal Smith sometimes." -- girl
"I'll be Crystal Smith for the right amount of money." -- guy

"Oh, a blow! I was looking for a blow!"

"Usually when you have an unemployed ho, you have an unhappy ho."

"Oh look, some vegetable oil. Maybe we should get that for him." -- quoted out of context, I've been assured

"I don't want stuff that looks like my dad can wear it golfing." -- referring to the stockpile of Daily Trojan shirts in her closet

"It's raining men, and there's a drought in my valley."

"A man has needs -- and I am a man." & "I'm a teddy bear -- stuff me." -- suggestions for the title for his online personal ad

"We're sorry, but we were unable to match you with any other 'match.com' members." -- the computer screen after he submitted his personal ad and requested matches to his desired partner's description -- in a 200 mile radius.

"It's prosthetic."
"What?"
"My penis."

"I'm giving birth." -- scraping vegetables out of his calzone
"You've got afterbirth on your plate."