September 10, 2004.
AppleCare Lost in Translation
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Naturally, the word "boreholes" was not in the Microsoft dictionary, so he sent his boss a huge report on how he'd spent the last six months inspecting the "brothels" of northern Alberta." ...details "I had looked for such objects [new moons around Saturn] for weeks while at my office in Paris, but it was only once on holiday, using my laptop, that my code eventually detected them. This tells me I should take more holidays." ...details "Vancouver's opening ceremonies are 2,010 days away." ...details "But then, I probably shouldn't have driven home for Thanksgiving while high on crack. Hindsight, as always, is 20/20." ...details "Why does sex sell?" "[Laughs] Because it's so very rarely free." ...details "Due to International Olympic Committee (IOC) restrictions regarding the online transmission of Olympic Games coverage, CBC.ca is prohibited from streaming any live or on-demand audio/video files that may include protected Olympic material. Between August 13 - 29, CBC.ca will not offer live radio streaming. All on-demand TV newscasts will be unavailable. Special editions of some CBC Radio newscasts will be available throughout this period. CBC.ca will resume full streaming services on August 30th. We apologize for any inconvenience and appreciate your patience while the Olympic Internet broadcast restriction is in progress." ...details "I am a musical robot." ...details "It's like stew in a pie crust, and I just can't do that." ...details "Yes, we're extremely pleased with our room in every way, except perhaps we were wondering if you could possibly send a housecleaner up to replace the sheets which look just a bit like they haven't been changed since someone slept in them last night. You could? Oh, that would be great." ...details "I grew up on the prairies of Saskatchewan. My Dad bought me a dog. I loved that dog. But it ran away. We watched it go for days." ...details "My separation was almost too equitable. 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So, I just filled out the AppleCare enrollment form for my new computer.
The form was written in two languages. But, perhaps because this is America, the two languages were English and... English. Not U.K. and U.S. English variations either -- it's the exact same words, repeated. Someone spent a lot of time on this. Twice as much time as they needed to, it seems. (Photos below, scroll down if necessary)
Why am I mailing in the paper version instead of registering online? Because according to Apple, my computer doesn't exist... but that's another story.
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