Sometimes I cry a little.

Sometimes I feel empty, like a paper bag with nothing in it. I rustle a bit, but I'm made of sturdy stuff, so I don't deflate, fall over, lie flat.

Sometimes I push it all out of my mind for a while. But if I talk to someone, anyone, for too long on any unrelated subject, it inevitably comes up again.

Mostly I just read news sites and try to figure out what happened yesterday, now that I have had some time to digest it. Of course, I keep getting distracted by today's update -- CNN sent out at least two breaking news announcements today and a few yesterday. But I can stop and think reasonably about this all tomorrow, when things get a little calmer.

* * *

It's not that I'm personally worried about the possibility of another attack. OK, that's part of it, but not a big part. I mean, I live in L.A., but not at Disneyland or a military base. (Funny, those in the same sentence.)

But I do work at Variety, and Susie works at U.S.C., and those aren't non-entities -- they're probably slightly higher on the list than Krispy Kreme, lower than Universal Studios.

Mostly, I think, I'm upset by the fact that I have a list in my head that has a big headline, underlined, that reads "If I Was a Terrorist, I Would Attack..." and then has about a zillion targets.

If I Was a Terrorist I Would Attack...

• things that are very tall and important
• things that are very old and historic
• things that are popular and fun and full of people
• cute kittens
• the American way of life
• the mall -- we hate Banana Republic
• the heart of the transportation industry -- the DMV
• schools
• hospitals
• churches
• parks
• museums
• libraries
• banks
• delis
• gas stations
• office supply stores
• Nike (Just Do It)
• the man
• the airwaves

That last one's kind of interesting, and it's what someone has basically done. I'm not saying that anthrax isn't horrible and scary and a risk. But is it really the worst risk to American lives right now? No, it's a diversion. But because it's happening to JOURNALISTS -- to the very people who decide what stories are important, we're blowing the stories out of proportion to their magnitude.

* * *

But enough. As I said earlier, a lot of conversations seem to turn to this lately. I guess that's what happens during a war -- I never really knew that before. Live and learn. Live and learn.

* * *

On the car ride home yesterday, I saw a man standing in the street with a white sign. He'd scrawled a message on it, in marker. It said www.sparechange.com.

* * *

I went to The Pig restaurant recently with Tuzy and Calvin. The Pig is a barbecue place in L.A. that has above average barbecue at a decent price. It's on La Brea, but for me, if I'm that close to Pink's, why am I wasting my time at The Pig?

* * *

People keep calling my cell phone to buy my Dad's car. He was in L.A. while I was in South Africa. He fed our cat, and watered our plant. When we came back, there were flowers in places I didn't even know could flower.

Anyway, he listed the car in the Recycler, www.recycler.com, and now these people call for it, but he went hoe because while he was here, not a single person called. Odd.

* * *

There are flying creatures eating a table outside my door. I bought some termite and other creature killer and sprayed it on the table. We'll see how it goes -- though i don't exactly think these are termites; but what do I know? If you have advice, please let me know.

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