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I Cut Myself on Broccoli

posted at 11:01 am
on Jan. 14, 2001

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I got a lovely present from my sister Nicole for Christmas.  It was a cutting board with a semi-ovular depression in the middle, and a curved blade that fit nicely into the depression.  It’s for mincing things.

I hadn’t used it yet—I was dousing it in mineral oil first.  It’s hand crafted by the uncle of her current boyfriend.  He makes these things himself, and they’re lovely and well-crafted.

However, in the course of putting mineral oil all over this thing, I got mineral oil on the blade.  And tonight I was making broccoli, which would require chopping—just like that Saturday Night Live song by Dana Carvey that’s now going through my head (http://www.danacarvey.net/broccoli.wav).

So, as I was wiping mineral oil (slippery) off the blade (sharp), I cut my insert bad word finger tip on my right hand.  It’s not a serious cut, but it was a clean, sharp pain, and it was the first time in a while I’ve done that.

More critically, it makes two things really difficult: typing and clicking the right mouse button.

Now, I’m sure some of you are protesting that I didn’t really cut myself on broccoli. But I’m not about to blame the wonderful present my sister gave me, or my own bumbling clumsiness.  So the veggie takes the fall.

As punishment to the offending plant matter, I’ve sworn off broccoli for the next month.  Ah, sweet vengeance.

Overheard

“The superior man contains the means in his own person. He bides his time and then acts. Why then should not everything go well? He acts and is free. Therefore all he has to do is to go forth, and he takes his quarry. This is how a man fares who acts after he has ready the means.”

...who said it?

“Greatness is only a matter of will.  It is the end result of patience, determination, direction and strength.”

...who said it?

“kindergarchy n. Rule or domination by children; the belief that children’s needs and preferences take precedence over those of their parents or other adults.”

...who said it?

“The Northeast Blackout affected 50 million people and zero PEER 1 customers. Find out why.”

...who said it?

“As in 2007, the average U.S. worker has 14 vacation days this year. Just across the Canadian border, our counterparts get an average of 17 vacation days annually. But if you want a real “vacation envy” complex, consider the vacation banks of European workers. France tops the list with an average of 37 days, followed by Italy (33 days), Spain (31), the Netherlands and Austria (28), Germany (27) and Great Britain (26). “

...who said it?

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