Getting Blocked on Facebook

posted at 10:00 am
on Nov. 1, 2007

Comments: 24 so far

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Preamble to this blog post’s actual topic: I’m an investigator. I enjoy figuring out logical puzzles and mysteries. This is a hobby of mine.

I’m also a natural interviewer, with an interest in other people. When I meet someone interesting, I often want to know more about them.

So, to use some recent examples, when I meet an interesting couple at a wedding, and they turn out to be prosecuting lawyers here in B.C., I’ll look them up and see if they’ve done any interesting cases.

Or, when I know someone has worked in the entertainment industry, I’ll look up their credits, and see what they’ve worked on.

Sometimes, when people speak up to ask questions at a conference and announce who they are and where they’re from, I’ll see if I can find them in Google in the time it takes for their question to be answered.

When our downstairs neighbour tells me she’d bought a town home and would be moving out, I figure out which listed house she’s bought before she tells me, based on clues in the conversation. (How many bedrooms? How far away? Do you think it’ll take much work before it’s ready to move in? Got it!)

And, when my mom tells me she fell asleep watching a movie, I’ll try to figure out what it was from the first half of the plot. Mom likes this, too, because it means I can tell her how the movie ended.

* * *

However, as more and more personal information about and by people—information that’s often impromptu and unfiltered at its origin, like comments and Wall posts and party pictures—moves online, I’m discovering that this habit—and while I don’t think I’m the only one who does this, I think I probably do it more than most—is running into a shifting (not entirely unjustified) expectation of privacy in online spaces.

So I think most would agree it’s probably totally kosher to look up someone’s LinkedIn profile who you’ve met at a conference, but is it OK to do that with your landlord? Is it kosher to be told someone’s email and then check that person’s domain registration listing to find out what neighbourhood they live in? (And does it matter why you’re doing it? Is plain curiosity worse than to find out if in the same area that you’ve visited as a tourist?)

Is it OK to follow the twitter feed of someone you haven’t met in person? What if it’s because they’re in your industry? Your neighbourhood? Or if they’re just funny? Or cute?) If a friend of a friend you meet at a party talks about having visited someplace obscure that sounds fascinating: Is it a faux pas to find his photos on Flickr and comment on them? What if it’s a woman’s photos? Are there different rules for men and women who are seeking and being looked up?

* * *

And so, the crux of this post.

Recently, there was a woman I met while playing Ultimate. She seemed outgoing and was a decent player, and it was the end of the summer season. We talked on the field, introduced ourselves, but just the briefest of conversations. I knew we needed players for the fall, and I knew her name, so I looked her up on Facebook. I sent her a message about the Fall season and a poke, and forgot about it.

Then six weeks later, I rediscovered her name in a to-do list, and I looked her up in Facebook again, and she was gone. Weird, I thought—who leaves Crackbook?

A day or two later, it dawned on me that she probably hadn’t left Facebook, that she’d probably blocked me.

I have to tell you, that’s a weird feeling. It seems slightly wrong to even tell the story here; it feels a bit like I’m admitting to having done something creepy. And it makes me wonder if I’ve been blocked by others on Facebook or on other services. I’ve done my share of ignoring, but blocking seems a little more final… and as though I’m being judged either for something I didn’t do, or for something someone else did (i.e. she’s had to deal with a creep).

Being blocked has certainly made me second guess this looking stuff up that I do—and yet, it’s not like I’m doing anything beyond looking at what’s freely available. I just do it more often than most, and I’m better at it than some.

The moral of the story: I don’t know. I guess it’s that what you might think is private (like being on facebook), isn’t, and what you might think is acceptable online behavior (was it the poke?), isn’t, and the lines are not only faint, but they’re moving.

Who has mentioned this item?

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Overheard

“Love is fire. But whether its gonna warm your heart or burn your house down you can never tell. ”

...who said it?

“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”

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“True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

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“The most common human act that writing a novel resembles is lying. We lie daily, very complexly, and at great length. If not for our excessive vanity and our over-active imaginations, we would be quite difficult to deceive.”

...who said it?

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”

...who said it?

Comments

You used the tool exactly for what it was created for. Finding people with a common interest and contacting them. Don't think of it as creepy at all. If she blocked you, she is one of those few who actually NOTICE and USE the blocking ability and believe that now you are blocked she is hidden away from your view.

But, lady, sorry - we know your name. Where's that thing called the phone book with those things called addresses. Oh, wait, Canada411.ca? Yah, that system is down with your information too. Oh - and the library? Don't get me started on how much information we can pull about you out of there.

Where's my toga...

Posted by Shane at 10:07 am on Nov. 1, 2007

It's also important not to read too much into facebook blocks for a very simple reason: not all are intentional.

A few weeks ago, I noticed (in a similar second-hand way) that an old friend had blocked me.

Now, in this case I was pretty sure this was a mistake. For one thing, I've known her since she was born. For another thing, her sister hadn't blocked me .

It turned out the problem was that she had done it by accident. She didn't even know she had blocked me until I pointed it out (passively enough, by sending a note to her sister...).

That said, if you don't have an alternate method of contact, it's clear you should let sleeping dogs lie. It's only polite.

Some people are really picky about who they make contact with via Facebook, you know. Travis.

Posted by Ryan Cousineau at 6:30 pm on Nov. 1, 2007

are you sure you're blocked? i remember some people couldn't find me by searching via my name and it was because i had set my privacy levels really high.

Posted by col at 8:08 am on Nov. 2, 2007

No, my privacy levels are quite low.

Posted by Ryan Cousineau at 10:25 am on Nov. 2, 2007

actually i meant hers, not yours.

as far as i know, there is no way to block someone on facebook. you can only remove them as a friend, or restrict who can find you via searching.

if there IS a way to block someone, i'd be sure interested in knowing how

Posted by col at 2:06 pm on Nov. 2, 2007

Hmm...not impossible, but I think the trick was that she had previously been marked as a friend.

The punchline, of course, is that she was still marked as a friend of my wife throughout this all.

Adding someone to your Block list is an available "Privacy" setting.

"If you block someone, they will not be able to search for you, see your profile, or contact you on Facebook. Any ties you currently have with a person you block will be broken (friendship connections, relationships, etc)."

Posted by Ryan Cousineau at 3:46 pm on Nov. 2, 2007

You are a benign individual. Others are not. So, why did she put herself out there? Who knows, but she has just realized that she no longer possesses anonymity and it has her unsettled. If a person desires that anonymity then it behooves her to stay out of public posting areas. You just can't have it both ways!

Posted by Janet Gardner at 7:14 am on Nov. 3, 2007

I wouldn't worry about it; it probably has more to do with her realizing that there are privacy settings in FB, rather than actually not wanting to associate with you. You're not a stalker... though checking domain registration listings to find addresses is edging that way. ;p

Posted by sio at 9:50 am on Nov. 5, 2007

I just recently got a message from someone I've never met. I recognized the surname from an ex-boyfriend. As it turns out, it's the ex's new gf.

I have no idea why she would be interested in talking to me, or even if it was really him. Don't care - couldn't be bothered to block either.

Posted by Kathryn at 9:02 pm on Nov. 10, 2007

Congrats on having this published in the LA times.

Posted by Rachael at 9:32 am on Nov. 11, 2007

Just wondering if you know of a way to check who has blocked you on facebook? Email me back and let me know kk? I'm really curious!

Posted by kris at 12:03 pm on Mar. 12, 2008

There's no way to see all of the people who have blocked you on FB (that's a feature, not a bug), but you can make an educated guess about whether an individual has blocked you, especially if you previously knew they were on FB.

Basically, if you search for someone by name in Facebook's search and they don't show up, they're either no longer on the service or they're blocking you. You can sometimes find conclusive evidence that they're still on Facebook through a few other methods.

Posted by Ryan Cousineau at 12:25 pm on Mar. 12, 2008

You can register a fake name on facebook and then look up the person you think blocked you. You can also google that persons name along with the word facebook and see if it shows up.

Posted by Mark Horton at 7:09 am on Sep. 8, 2008

I noticed over the summer that several (about 8) people that I knew for years and were close to have "deleted" me from the friends list. It happens I guess, especially if your drunk and facebooking!

Anyways, as an experiment I found pictures from some far off blog of some guy, pasted 3 pics, created a fake profile in a fake name and used his pictures as the profile.

I immediately searched for the long lost friends who deleted or blocked me and added them, and immediately they added me to their friends list. And for 6 months they have had this fictional character on their friends list and wont accept when I try to re-add them.

I am guessing that they don't like me anymore or something (some of you might think what kind of guy does this ....I would delete him too!)...hoevery this was experimental, try it sometime.

I mentioned this to a friend recently and she tried it recently....same results for her...is it something about human nature?

Posted by Kevin James at 6:47 pm on Sep. 9, 2008

I found an ex gf facebook, i wanted to see her profile, but I wad denied. I tried to see her profile by using another facebook ID, and i could seeher profile.
I think she blocked me even befor being able to ask her. I think that in your facebook options you can set names of people who can't see your profile.

Posted by guess at 11:48 am on Sep. 13, 2008

i feel your pain, buddy. this has happened to me, but for some reason, i think this one feels ill of me. all i was was a little persistent (not really) with my communication and i got the 'talk to the hand'. this is really frustrating to me, because i would think someone has some sense of human compassion and friendliness in their character not to resort to being so flat-out cold. and maybe communicate? that's not to much to ask, especially for an acquaintance. oh well, i give up.

Posted by LJR at 7:55 pm on Dec. 21, 2008

Mr. Smith, reading your article made me almost feel like looking at myself in a mirror!!

Anyway, recently I had a similar experience. Since we parted under a friendly circumstance, I was startled when this person suddenly 'vanished' from FB after my friend request. (this is before I became aware of FB's 'Block' function)

It really made me second-guess myself - 'what did I do/say wrong?' 'is the problem with me or this person?' these kind of questions.

I still haven't figured it out, and it feels weird, if not 'guilty for no reason.' But I can't initiate an off-line contact either, since that'll probably make me look like a real stalker which I'm definitely not.

If this person doesn't want to communicate with me, that's fine. But I just need to know why.

Funny, huh?

Posted by JK at 8:17 pm on Jan. 22, 2009

I got blocked by someone when I accidently sent an invitation to them to join facebook. Embarrassing mistake, but I sent an email apologizing.

He was my friend's family doctor and we were just goofing around.

I guess one might consider it stalking ~ but hey if you're on facebook ~ you're in the public eye ~ at least for people to see your name and profile picture.

Kind of a blow to the ego to get blocked ~ even if it's someone you really don't care about one way or the other.

Posted by Edie at 10:24 pm on Jan. 25, 2009

I guess this really does kinda tie in with decisions you have to make in your life about the people you associate with and who you really want in your life. I blocked somebody I'd known for years, who was gradually becoming more and more inappropriate in her behaviour. I concluded that she'd reached a point where she was simply too mad to discuss it with. I didn't want her in my life anymore as a result of a gradually increasing number of small but increasingly invasive incidents. Sometimes there is no point in talking to people and you have to make a clean break. Painful as it might be, all you can do is accept it as generally continually responding or sending messages probably will only confirm the reasons for blocking you in the first place.

Posted by Laura at 8:34 am on Jan. 30, 2009

This is a very impressive thread. I have recently been blocked my self. i know that because i set up a phony account and was able to search this person. Also knowing her name and doing a simple google search. She was a buisness partners g-f. oddly enough my partner hasn't blocked me (we had a pretty bad fight) her and i are talking about a solution. but her girlfriend seamed to take it apon herself to remove me from her list. the reason i added her was just in good mannors. now that is just dumb. funny too how this one chick that i took to the hospital because of a borken leg blocked me too.

I think that block button gives power hungry insecure people an opertunity to have some control in what may seam to be a somewhat messed up life.

Posted by tom at 6:38 pm on Mar. 9, 2009

I'm glad this blog exists. I feel so frustrated I went with someone I considered a pretty good guy friend to a dance (he needed a date, the girl he liked dumped him i figured why not). And the day after the dance he blocks me on facebook. Blocks me; doesn't that seem a bit extreme.

Posted by mya at 7:01 pm on Mar. 29, 2009

Well, I blocked my ex husbands wife because I didn't want her to see my photo's and also as she was making horrible comments to mutual family members. I then noticed she made a fake facebook page as she was once again making comments designed to hurt me so I thought if I am that interesting - knock yourself out! Look at all my photos! I use my FB for happy events and happy photos and stories, not to try and be hurtful to people.
ps. she has since deleted it and along with it her comments as I think she realised we all knew what she had done and she felt stupid - as she should.

Posted by Jemma at 10:19 pm on May. 20, 2009

I noticed a 'friend' missing from my list, asked myself the same questions. a few months later a pick by a mutual friend caught my eye, it was the previously mentioned 'de-friender' in the pic. they were tagged and I could see their name and box as I rolledover, I then searched her name and nothing came up. apparently she de-friended and blocked me (for what I dont know), but this is one way around total blocks.

*great site, I think horizontal scrolls will catch fire soon

Posted by Dana at 7:46 am on May. 22, 2009

just want to know is there any possibility that i can blocked back 2-faced cow that blocked me in her facebook..
HELPSssss
i'm kinda pissed of that bitch..

Posted by karen at 5:23 am on May. 24, 2009