Getting Blocked on Facebook
posted at 10:00 am
on Nov. 1, 2007
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Preamble to this blog post’s actual topic: I’m an investigator. I enjoy figuring out logical puzzles and mysteries. This is a hobby of mine.
I’m also a natural interviewer, with an interest in other people. When I meet someone interesting, I often want to know more about them.
So, to use some recent examples, when I meet an interesting couple at a wedding, and they turn out to be prosecuting lawyers here in B.C., I’ll look them up and see if they’ve done any interesting cases.
Or, when I know someone has worked in the entertainment industry, I’ll look up their credits, and see what they’ve worked on.
Sometimes, when people speak up to ask questions at a conference and announce who they are and where they’re from, I’ll see if I can find them in Google in the time it takes for their question to be answered.
When our downstairs neighbour tells me she’d bought a town home and would be moving out, I figure out which listed house she’s bought before she tells me, based on clues in the conversation. (How many bedrooms? How far away? Do you think it’ll take much work before it’s ready to move in? Got it!)
And, when my mom tells me she fell asleep watching a movie, I’ll try to figure out what it was from the first half of the plot. Mom likes this, too, because it means I can tell her how the movie ended.
* * *
However, as more and more personal information about and by people—information that’s often impromptu and unfiltered at its origin, like comments and Wall posts and party pictures—moves online, I’m discovering that this habit—and while I don’t think I’m the only one who does this, I think I probably do it more than most—is running into a shifting (not entirely unjustified) expectation of privacy in online spaces.
So I think most would agree it’s probably totally kosher to look up someone’s LinkedIn profile who you’ve met at a conference, but is it OK to do that with your landlord? Is it kosher to be told someone’s email and then check that person’s domain registration listing to find out what neighbourhood they live in? (And does it matter why you’re doing it? Is plain curiosity worse than to find out if in the same area that you’ve visited as a tourist?)
Is it OK to follow the twitter feed of someone you haven’t met in person? What if it’s because they’re in your industry? Your neighbourhood? Or if they’re just funny? Or cute?) If a friend of a friend you meet at a party talks about having visited someplace obscure that sounds fascinating: Is it a faux pas to find his photos on Flickr and comment on them? What if it’s a woman’s photos? Are there different rules for men and women who are seeking and being looked up?
* * *
And so, the crux of this post.
Recently, there was a woman I met while playing Ultimate. She seemed outgoing and was a decent player, and it was the end of the summer season. We talked on the field, introduced ourselves, but just the briefest of conversations. I knew we needed players for the fall, and I knew her name, so I looked her up on Facebook. I sent her a message about the Fall season and a poke, and forgot about it.
Then six weeks later, I rediscovered her name in a to-do list, and I looked her up in Facebook again, and she was gone. Weird, I thought—who leaves Crackbook?
A day or two later, it dawned on me that she probably hadn’t left Facebook, that she’d probably blocked me.
I have to tell you, that’s a weird feeling. It seems slightly wrong to even tell the story here; it feels a bit like I’m admitting to having done something creepy. And it makes me wonder if I’ve been blocked by others on Facebook or on other services. I’ve done my share of ignoring, but blocking seems a little more final… and as though I’m being judged either for something I didn’t do, or for something someone else did (i.e. she’s had to deal with a creep).
Being blocked has certainly made me second guess this looking stuff up that I do—and yet, it’s not like I’m doing anything beyond looking at what’s freely available. I just do it more often than most, and I’m better at it than some.
The moral of the story: I don’t know. I guess it’s that what you might think is private (like being on facebook), isn’t, and what you might think is acceptable online behavior (was it the poke?), isn’t, and the lines are not only faint, but they’re moving.
Overheard“BBFF (Best Bacon Friends Forever)” ...who said it?“I find myself thinking of a checklist Wozniak wrote a few years ago describing how to become a genius. His advice was straightforward yet strangely terrible: You must clarify your goals, gain knowledge through spaced repetition, preserve health, work steadily, minimize stress, refuse interruption, and never resist sleep when tired. This should lead to radically improved intelligence and creativity. The only cost: turning your back on every convention of social life.” ...who said it?“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.” ...who said it?“Ever have something in your teeth that you cannot stop tonguing?” ...who said it?“ . . . the war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan’s advantage.” ...who said it? |
Comments
You used the tool exactly for what it was created for. Finding people with a common interest and contacting them. Don't think of it as creepy at all. If she blocked you, she is one of those few who actually NOTICE and USE the blocking ability and believe that now you are blocked she is hidden away from your view.
Posted by Shane at 10:07 am on Nov. 1, 2007 |
It's also important not to read too much into facebook blocks for a very simple reason: not all are intentional.
Posted by Ryan Cousineau at 6:30 pm on Nov. 1, 2007 |
are you sure you're blocked? i remember some people couldn't find me by searching via my name and it was because i had set my privacy levels really high.
Posted by col at 8:08 am on Nov. 2, 2007 |
actually i meant hers, not yours.
Posted by col at 2:06 pm on Nov. 2, 2007 |
Hmm...not impossible, but I think the trick was that she had previously been marked as a friend.
Posted by Ryan Cousineau at 3:46 pm on Nov. 2, 2007 |
You are a benign individual. Others are not. So, why did she put herself out there? Who knows, but she has just realized that she no longer possesses anonymity and it has her unsettled. If a person desires that anonymity then it behooves her to stay out of public posting areas. You just can't have it both ways!
Posted by Janet Gardner at 7:14 am on Nov. 3, 2007 |
I wouldn't worry about it; it probably has more to do with her realizing that there are privacy settings in FB, rather than actually not wanting to associate with you. You're not a stalker... though checking domain registration listings to find addresses is edging that way. ;p
Posted by sio at 9:50 am on Nov. 5, 2007 |
I just recently got a message from someone I've never met. I recognized the surname from an ex-boyfriend. As it turns out, it's the ex's new gf.
Posted by Kathryn at 9:02 pm on Nov. 10, 2007 |
Just wondering if you know of a way to check who has blocked you on facebook? Email me back and let me know kk? I'm really curious!
Posted by kris at 12:03 pm on Mar. 12, 2008 |
There's no way to see all of the people who have blocked you on FB (that's a feature, not a bug), but you can make an educated guess about whether an individual has blocked you, especially if you previously knew they were on FB.
Posted by Ryan Cousineau at 12:25 pm on Mar. 12, 2008 |
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