How to Cook a Pizookie
posted at 12:45 am
on Sep. 25, 2004
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1. Remove two pizookies from the freezer. They make a good homemade dessert after dining out. Note: It’s important that you be wearing nice pants.
2. Set the timer for ten minutes while the frozen pizookie dough thaws. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.
3. When the timer goes off, put the pizookies in little pie tins in the oven, but forget to set the timer to go off after 15 minutes.
4. Wander out of the kitchen. Eventually realize that the timer maybe wasn’t set, go back, confirm this, look around quickly for a pot holder, but don’t locate one. Note: It helps to be in the middle of packing the kitchen, but you can also just be disorganized.
5. Improvise; use folded-over paper towels to yank out the slightly over-done-looking pizookies form the oven. Note: It’s important to be a little panicked at this stage because the timer didn’t go off in time.
6. Because two layers of paper towel is not a great insulator, burn your thumb.
7. Whip your hand away very quickly, tipping the pizookie’s foil tin upside down onto the oven door.
8. Discover that even though the pizookie looks a little crisp, it’s actually a big glob of melted chocolate goo.
9. Look around for a spatula, a spoon, a pot holder, or really anything, but because you’re in the middle of moving, don’t find anything except a HUGE pancake flipper too big to fit with the rest of the kitchen utensils.
10. Carefully and quickly, try to flip the sticky, melted pizookie off the door into the hot pie tin using the flimsy paper towels and Shrek-sized pancake flipper and only one hand because your thumb is burned.
11. Smear chocolate on your pants.
12. Swear loudly.
13. Rush to the sink, remove your shoes and your pants and run water on the chocolate stain to get it out quickly before it sets.
14. Remember that hot water on a burned thumb is very painful. Swear again, creatively.
15. Have your wife come into the kitchen to find out the source of the loud swearing and burning smell.
16. Turn to face her.
17. Spend the rest of your marriage being told you should have captured it all on tape for America’s Funniest Home Videos.
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