The Complete Lyrics of JibJab’s “This Land” Parody

posted at 2:58 am
on Aug. 25, 2004

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If you haven’t yet seen JibJab’s amazing political parody animation set to the tune of “This Land,” go watch it right now.  I’ve transcribed the complete lyrics in this entry, and I annotated them myself for those who may not be able to watch the video.  You should, if you like the original, also pay to download the flash file—support these guys, they deserve it. Oh, and read their blog.

“This Land”

GB This land is your land
[Writes “Mass-Uh-Chew-Sits” on a map using crayons.]
GB This land is my land
[Points to “Don’t Mess with TEXAS” on a map.]
GB I’m a texas tiger
[Swings a lasso while sitting on a horse in the desert]
GB You’re a liberal weiner
[Ropes Kerry, who’s dressed as a hot dog holding a bottle of Heinz katsup. He yanks him out of the picture.]
GB I’m a great crusader
[Dressed as King Arthor, he waves a sword and stands on a table during a cabinet meeting.]
GB You’re Herman Munster
[Points gleefully to Kerry as a black-and-white Munster]
GB This land will surely vote for me
[Dances in front of a flag.]

JK This land is your land
[Indicates a trailer with a barrel labelled “Trash,” a car on blocks and a Texas flag flapping.]
JK This land my land
[Indicates a mansion with Rolls Royce and fountain in front yard.]
JK I’m an intellectual
[Writes complex equations on a blackboard.]
JK You’re a stupid dumbass
[Shows Bush wearing a red dunce cap, with 9+3=14 on the board behind him.]
JK I’m a purple heart winner
[In a riverboat waving an American flag, a camo-dressed Kerry tosses a grenade over his shoulder.]
JK And yes it’s true I won it thrice
[As it detonates in the background on several waving Vietnamese, Kerry shows off his medals like stolen Rolexes inside his jacket.]
JK This land will surely vote for me
[Dances in front of a flag.]

GB You have more waffles
[Brandishes a waffle]
GB Than a house of pancakes
[Dances in the parking lot of “Waffle Hut.” with Kerry’s mug]
GB You offer flip flops
[Kerry stands on the senate floor, flippigna sign that says “Yes,” then “No,”
then “Maybe."]
GB I offer tax breaks
[Shows off $300 to the sound of a cash register.]
GB You’re a UN Pussy
[Kerry in bondage gear is on all fours in front of a U.N. flag. His leash is held by France’s Jaques Chirac, U.N. president Kofi Annan and a third politician I should be able to identify, but can’t.]
GB And yes it’s true that I kick ass, HAH
[Waving a cowboy hat, he rides a missile away from the camera like the final scene of Dr. Strangelove.]
GB This land will surely vote for me
[Dances in front of a flag with Dick Chaney and Donald Rumsfield, who stare up at him lovingly.]

JK You can’t say nuclear
JK That really scares me
[Kerry stands on a platform beside a launching nuclear missle labelled U.S.A.]
JK Sometimes a brain can
[The screen resembles a generic news channel. Kerry places a human brain into Bush’s surgically opened head, which has no brain.]
JK Come in quite handy
[The news crawl says “Big Story: Bush Receives Brain"]
JK But it’s not gonna help you
[Shows a declining graph headed “Bush Approval Rating."]
JK Because I won three purple hearts
[Kerry brandishes his medals. The news channel says “Big Story:” He Won Three Purple Hearts"]
JK This land will surely vote for me
[Dances in front of a flag with John Edwards and Howard Dean, who yells loudly.]

GB You’re a liberal sissy
[Kerry is presented as a baby waving a pink rattle in a nursery. Care Bears are in his crib.]
JK You’re a right wing nutjob
[Bush sits in one of a row of tanks. Smoke rises in the background.]
GB You’re a pinko commie
[Kerry sways in hippy dress with peace signs (Make Out, Not War) being held behind him. He releases a dove.]
JK You’re dumb as a doornob
[Bush looks confused and shrugs at the presidential podium.]
GB Hey, you got that botox
[Kerry sits in a doctor’s chair below a sign that says “Botox, not just for old ladies."]
JK But I still won three purple hearts
[As needles poke into Kerry’s face, he waves his three purples hearts.]
BOTH This land will surely vote for me
[Head to head, they sing to each other.]

INDIAN This land was my land
[An Indian stands in ceremonial garb in a desert.]
EVERYONE But now it’s our land
[Trucks, SUV’s, sky scrapers and stores obscure the horizon: “Big Buy,” Mal*Mart Supercenter,” “Nexxo,” “Jmart,” “Mendy’s,” “Buy crap,” “Booger King,” and several bra ads appear.]
AS From California
[Arnold Schwartzenegger, with oiled muscles and automatic rifle, stands in front of the Hollywood sign.]
BC To the New York I.. whatdidido?
[Bill Clinton stands in an office, with his arm around an attractive woman dressed as the Statue of Liberty, hand on her breast. Hillary comes and slaps him.  He’s not wearing pants.]
JK From liberal weiners
[Kerry’s dressed again as a large hot dog with a yellow mustard stripe. He displays his Heinz ketchup bottle proudly.]
GB To right wing nutjobs
[GB has his face painted in green camoflage paint and wears forest combat gear.]
JK This land belongs
[Side by side, arms on each other’s shoulders,]
GB This land belongs
[Kerry and Bush strut their stuff for the grand finale in fron of the White House.]
BOTH This land belongs to you and me
[Camera pans out to reveal the top Democrat and Republican politic figures standing on the lawn to the left and right.]
GB Oh and Dick Chaney too
[GB pokes his head back into the frame a la Porky Pig at the end of a Looney Toon.]

Written, Directed and Animated by Gregg & Evan Spiridellis
Voice Talent: Jim Meskimen - Really Spontaneous Theater Company
Music Performed By: Adrienne Spiridellis - Speller Music Studio
Technical Direction: Mike Jaffe - Jaffe Media Inc.

Thank you to Scumbag, The Japanese(?) site where I found the original, nearly perfect transcription.

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