My First Time Ever
posted at 9:07 am
on Jan. 4, 2008
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I went to Calgary recently to visit my Mom and sister Nicole (and sister Virginia, but she buggered off the the U.S. Virgin Islands, which turns out is a complete misnomer because she didn’t see a single one, and she didn’t return until the New Year’s Eve party).
I forgot my electric razor, which shaves as close as a blade or my money back. Which is a bummer because you don’t just run to the store and get one of those. What you do buy is a disposable razor.
Which is kind of interesting because, in fact, though I’m 33—wait, no, 35—I have never before in my life ever shaved with a bladed razor.
Not once.
Truth of the matter is, I had a friend in high school named Thijs Spoor. He went in for some sort of minor surgery to his calf, and the nurse there looked at his tall self and general manly nature and thought that the boy knew how to shave, so she gave him a disposable razor and told him to shave the spot on his leg they were going to surgerize.
Well, Thijs said, “Shure, fine lady nurse, of course, I can shave myself,” and proceeded to basically start the operation prematurely. Nurse came back in, blood everywhere, etc. etc. and since then I basically had a fear of using a razor.
Not a phobia mind you. I’m not a-feared of knives, and I’ve twice had a straight edge razor shave at a barber—which feels nice and is kind of a treat. No, it was just my shaving myself that had never happened.
But this time, with a New Year’s Party in the wings, and my scruff looking particularly shaggy, it was time to take the plunge.
And you know what? It’s remarkably easy. For some miracle reason, with a little shaving cream, hairs come right off, and skin stays mostly intact. My face felt less abused after than it does with the electric razor. It took longer, though, like, a lot longer, and it did end up with bits of hair and foam and gross all over the sink, which was a lot harder to clean up.
I know, I know, you already know all this. It’s like me describing this amazing fruit to you that you just HAVE to try, and it’s all yellow and long and the fruit is on the INSIDE and then you throw away the outside, which I hear is call a peel, which is totally wrong, because it’s not appealing at all… and you’ve had a banana before, so you’re not impressed.
But let me just tell you this—if a single bladed razor can give me such a good shave, I bet a razor with TWO blades would do an even better job, in half the time!
