Travis Goes to a Business Lecture

posted at 10:51 pm
on Jul. 23, 2006

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Earlier this year I went to a business lecture, and I was a little bored, so I took notes.  I waited long enough so that the particulars of the event are no longer relevant, but my notes still seem to be applicable.  In fact, I’ve applied them to several other seminars since…

Hi there.  I’m a hopeful but uninformed newbie.  My question is something about something patently obvious that can only be answered one way, but I’m so earnest that you have to answer me seriously.

Pick me!

I’m a neurotic Type-A fellow focussed on area of policy minutia that isn’t relevant to anyone else.  I have a three part question.

(Interrupting) I’m not going to let anyone answer any part of my three-part question.

(Interrupting) Wait, there’s one more part to my question.

(Interrupting) Now I have have a followup question that includes the phrases “open-source” and “Web 2.0” and “sustainability.”

Hi, I already know you from somewhere else and I’m going to make an obscure reference to that event that no one but you could get.

If you don’t, I’ll blog shit about you.

I have glasses.  So my point is a serious one.

Well, if a generalize my point enough, you can’t contradict it.  The universe exists, don’t you agree?

Damn.  You’re moderately correct and I’m not an asshole so I can’t keep arguing in front of the crowd.

(Interrupting) I have a fifth part to my question.

I have a question and I’m cute.

My question is in the form of a personal anecdote that’s not generally applicable and I’m going to tell it in reverse chronological order by re-using the phrase, “let me back up a minute.”

Now my personal anecdote will demean half the people in the room.  But I’m still cute.
We’ll forgive you. Can we go now?

I’m not crazy?

Let me start by saying I was working on the Internet in 1985…

I’ve been listening to people like you facing these exact same problems for 20 years.  The only difference now is bandwidth, so problems are downloaded faster.  Nothing ever changes.  Let’s all give up.

Me too.
Me too.
Me too.

Wait, can I use this gathering as a forum for my own self promotion?

Too late.

Yay! (Everyone claps.)

Wait, I’m a sane person with a cogent question.  Hello? Hello? Hello…

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Keywords: dialogue  •  inner voice  •  lecture  •  notes

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