Goodbye Mr. Teeth

posted at 11:01 am
on Jul. 30, 2000

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If you have trouble hearing my voice as you read this, it’s because I just had my wisdom teeth out, and I figure that as well as the stitches making me physically mumble, I bet the painkiller, aptly named “Narco,” is probably adding to my mental mumbliness as well.

It’s only the second time in my entire life that I’ve been unconscious.  The first was, as I’m sure you know, when I got my saliva gland removed, and I didn’t get to keep that excised item after the operation either.

When I awake after shaking off the effects of whatever Lethe derivative they foist on me, I find two things: I’m extremely talkative, and I remember nothing about it later.  Susie was kind enough to bring me home from the dentist’s nest, and said I was gurgling away about many teeth he took out (wum, poo, fwee, pohr, thuthie! pohr teeth!) (I find it interesting that no matter how horrible the condition your mouth is in, you can always say “teeth.” Good planning on someone’s part, eh!) I also got in an argument about who would drive, and giggled when ever she mentioned all the soft foods I had at home to eat (eggs, Jell-O, cottage cheese, soup, yogurt, milk shakes)

So this Narco pain killer lasts for four hours, and the cycle goes something like this:

0:00 Mild pain from trying to open my mouth wide enough to insert the pill

0:01 - 0:06 Change shirt which now has clean water dribbled down the front

0:07 - 0:22 No change in pain, but ice packs pressed on my cheeks remind me of waiting for the school bus in junior high

0:23 - 0:50 Inability to stay awake no matter what I’m watching on TV or where I happen to be walking to

0:51 - 1:03 A fun dizziness that reminds me of inner tube rides at a water park

1:03 - 1:07 Overwhelming, panicky nausea for 4 minutes

1:08 - 3:30 Peaceful, easy feeling

3:31 - 3:59 Constant growing pain and desire to have more Narco, and perhaps steal a car

4:00 Take another Narco

On the plus side, I won’t have to go through this again, and it was fun eating Jell-O as a meal.

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Are you Sushi Experienced?