Great Canadian Comeback Page

Image of Canada

It's happened to most Canadians at one time or another.

Some well-meaning yet terminally obtuse American sidles up to them like a drunk musk ox and says, "So, you're Canadian, eh?" (At this point, they often chuckle.) "A Canuck, right?" So, you must have just [ridden in on a moose / been hunting Canada Geese / lost your toque / gotten your man / left the igloo / split into two countries / said Sore-y wrong], eh?

Well, here's a handy reference guide to comebacks. The right one will smite your American foe in two, if he hasn't sidled away to go make fun of a Mexican or something.

This page is growing through contributions like yours. Please help out. If you liked this page, also visit the Canada dinner page.

Note: A few folks have suggested additions that primarily bash Americans. While good ones will be loudly chuckled at, the point is of this page is to refute Canada-bashing, and my philosophy is not to respond to a "you stink" with a "so do you!" That just leaves both people smelly.

  1. A Canadian pilot got the Top Gun award from the American Air Force for 1998.
  2. Discovered the effects of insulin on diabetes.
  3. Invented the trash bag. You're welcome.
  4. Invented the radio.
  5. Invented the TV.
  6. Invented basketball. Sorry, we were on a roll. We all do things we wish we could take back.
  7. Most modern navy in the world. Yeah, really!
  8. If they say "you're Canadian, huh," tell them, "Yeah, it was a close call but my parents got out of New York just before the labour ended.
  9. Drinking age is 19, baby.
  10. Hey, at least I'm not French, eh?
  11. Tell them they have something on their face. After they try to wipe it off tell them it's still there. Repeat for minutes of entertainment. Don't laugh though, it'll ruin it.
  12. The light bulb was developed by Henry Woodword, a Canadian, in 1874, then he sold the patent to Thomas Edison. Oops.
  13. Mounties are recognized and respected throughout the world (except for the US, of course). What emotions does an FBI agent stir up?
  14. Canadian diplomats smuggled a bunch of American hostages out of the Middle East. I don't know why we bothered, but we did.
  15. Canadian spies have completed some astounding missions, from stealing the Japanese codes from embassies during WWII to capture of a Nazi enigma machine.
  16. Celine Dion performed during the opening of the Atlanta Olympics. In case you hadn't noticed, she's Canadian.
  17. Die, you war-mongering scum! Die!!!
  18. If the American looks conspiracy/militia minded (and you're pretty safe assuming that he or she is), try this one: Canadians are the ones who lead the way in high altitude super sophisticated MACH2 interceptors, such as the AVRO ARROW, which the U.S. wanted so badly they did everything possible to stop us from producing them. They failed.
  19. "Eh" sounds a lot better than "huh", eh?
  20. The War of 1812.....Those dumb Canucks sent those "superior" Americans packing. Or, stopped them from packing up us, as the case may be!
  21. Say "Wayne Gretzky," then sit back with a smile.
  22. Um...for what its worth we um...burned down the white house.... Twice. At least, according to the history majors I've talked to!
  23. Canada is ranked the NUMBER ONE nation in the world by the UN (in fact, we've been #1 for a few years, now.)
  24. Toronto is the number one CITY in the world.
  25. Oh, yeah. What about Alanis Morissette and Neve Campbell?
  26. All those Police Academy movies and a whole bunch of other films were filmed in Toronto.
  27. The X-Files is filmed in Vancouver.
  28. Much Music kicks MTV's ***.
  29. I believe we are officially the coldest nation in the world, if that's anything to boast about. (Typical Canadian humility, of course it is! -ed.)
  30. If Jean and Bill ever got into a fist fight, Jean would kick Bill's ***. Remember that guy that he punched out?
  31. Our cities don't shut down cause of a bit of wimpy frost. Heck, we build highways out of ice in the winter.
  32. Gravity is truly on our side, for as our population grows, we will slowly crush you!
  33. Canadian football: Our balls are bigger.
  34. Football was invented in McGill university in Montreal. First official game, McGill vs Harvard. Guess who won.
  35. Superman, blindly stolen by the U.S. for their own propaganda purposes.
  36. Quick, name a country that's dropped atomic bombs on real, live people! Hint: It rhymes with Bunited Strates of Bamerica
  37. What's our national sport? (America answers Hockey) Wrong! It's lacrosse! Ha ha ha!
  38. Three words: Pamela Lee Anderson.
  39. Two better words: Natasha Henstridge
  40. We kicked your @$$ in the 100m. Ohh baby, it hurts to be this good, eh!
  41. At least our inner cities are still habitable. (Note: I have no idea what this means--someone submitted it and I thought it was snooty enough to baffle most Americans, so I included it.)
  42. We are your flavourful neighbours to the north who don't harbour colourful grudges but spell words funky! (from: Joseph Travers)
  43. We have our own language setting in Windows '95 (but what country doesn't, really?).
  44. I can't believe no one has named Stan Rogers by now.

    The next 10 items brought to you by Zeus.

  45. When was the last time the U.S. won an international curling match?
  46. Our national animal? The beaver!
  47. Hey, we like guns, but put them in the constitution--what's that about?
  48. Let's put it this way: 3 Coors = 1 Canadian beer.
  49. No one here likes 90210. There will never be a show named M5W 1L6
  50. You test your missiles on us, and we don't complain!!
  51. And to think we let you buy Alaska at such a bargain price!
  52. You tried to invade us once. Once.
  53. $4.85 in our change weighs way more than yours. Ergo, we must not be little girly men, but buff wild hombres.
  54. Jim Carrey, Dave Thomas, Shania Twain, Eugene Levy, Natasha Henstridge, John Candy (used to have him), Dan Akroyd, Rich Little, Martin Short, Bryan Adams, Yasmeen, Linda Evangelista, Percy Faith? (not Sledge), The Kids in the Hall, Leslie Nielsen, "Life is a Highway" Celine Dion, Pamela Lee Anderson, Sarah McLachlan... Let's face it, if you dig music, women or comedy, we're your country.
  55. Less fungus, fewer insects.
  56. Loonies instead of Coke machines needing to have those annoying bill changers that never take my bills.
  57. Canada is the Rocky Mountains, Canada is Prince Edward Island, Canada is the country full of love.
  58. Football: Tim Biakabutuka, U of M Running Back; Tim Tindale, Bills running back; and Steve Christie, Bills Kicker; they may all in fact be Canadian. (source: C Gauthier)
  59. Nuclear meltdowns. We haven't had one. Nuclear crisis? None of those either. Nuclear weapons? Almost never had 'em, never will.
  60. No squid, smaller yuppies
  61. Alex Trebek and Peter Jennings are very very smart and very very Canadian.
  62. We may have an accent, but at least I've never spelled "thru," "nite," "glo" or "EZ" quite like you do.
  63. At least we have a legitimate claim to be interested in the Royal Family!
  64. We invented dirt. It's true.
  65. Parliament? It's a much longer word than Congress.
  66. Canadian flag? We don't have to change it every time we add a province (or lose one, thank goodness)!
  67. Largest unguarded border in the world? We're sharing it with you.
  68. The river in my city? I can swim in it.
  69. Drive-by shooting ratio: 100 to 1 or less.
  70. Well, just to let you know, we CANADIANS burnt down your White House. No one else can lay claim to that!
  71. World Series. Twice. Naanee naanee boo-boo (Note: My sister provided the spelling, I take no responsibility for it.)
  72. Socialized health care, so there!
  73. The telephone, maybe you've heard of it? We invented that!
  74. Basketball, we invented that!
  75. Japanese tourists just love Anne of Green Gables.
  76. I've never had to go through a metal detector at school.
  77. I'm not afraid to walk down the street at night.
  78. Basketball, we invented that!
  79. Saskatchewan? You can have it.
  80. First person to visit China under Mao Tse Tung? Pierre Elliot Trudeau. He's Canadian, and was prime minister!
  81. Alexander Graham Bell? Hello? He's buried in Canada! (And he was originally born in Scotland, which is virtually Canadian, and who cares if he just happened to emigrate to America, that's hardly worth mentioning.)
  82. William Shatner, he's Canadian!
  83. John Candy, he's Canadian!
  84. Michael Meyers, he's Canadian!
  85. Oh yeah?

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