posted at 11:36 am
on Jun. 3, 2011
My House is For Sale ... Again
Folly on the Fourth
1. Food eaten off someone else’s plate isn’t really your food so it has no calories.
2. Food eaten from a stick, doesn’t stick.
3. Food eaten in an airport has no calories.
4. Food eaten within 15 minutes of exercise. OK, 30 minutes. OK, the next meal you eat.
5. If you split a dessert, it has very few calories. Not none, but when you round down, it’s almost zero.
6. Food eaten on vacation doesn’t have any calories… until you get home. Then they show up.
7. Just one bite of anything: zero calories.
8. If you pick it with your own hands: no calories. Farmers market, that’s kinda like picking it with your own hands, right?
9. Anything eaten while you are floating doesn’t count. (Think: boat, inner tube, iceburg)
10. Every beer after your third is calorie free.
11. If it’s your birthday, food doesn’t have any calories for the whole day, which starts at midnight the day of and runs until you go to bed. Plan accordingly.
12. Anything you drink through a curly straw. Those calories just can’t make it around tight turns.
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